I was born with the imprint of the generations before me, I was also born with intuition and an emotional guidance system to keep safe and attached. My need (and all our needs) to be attached from birth for survival is so strong that within my own family dynamics I developed my own coping mechanisms to ensure I stayed attached to my parents.
These coping mechanisms that you may label as the ‘personality’ are people pleasing, hiding, not making a fuss, not asking questions, not asking for help, not knowing my own boundaries and putting other people’s needs first. I would be labelled as kind, nice and lovely and by some people (including myself) ‘a bit of a divvy’. Being a ‘divvy’ allowed me to not take responsibility and prevented me from truly progressing with my life.
Some of the more poignant difficulties I have had in my life are; addiction to drugs and alcohol; age of 22 I nearly had my hip replaced, a relationship break up after 15 years together, witnessing my father dying from ‘Motor Neurone Disease’ and being in emotional and physically abusive relationships which left me with vaginal cysts.
During my thirties I turned to drug and alcohol to cope with the pain and shame of not being able to share my feelings. I can now look back on my alcohol and drug use with compassion and the understanding that the behaviour or addiction was an expression of the underlying problem.
Some of the challenges I still face (but now with a lens of compassion, love, curiosity, willingness and authenticity) are: tightness in my hips, secret emotional eating, and every day in some shape or form I question if I am good enough.
The key years that have led to me being a passionate therapist who is able to see and hear others clearly started when I took on a role as the ‘Cancer Coordinator’ at the local hospital, this then developed into ‘hands on’ medical experience when I joined the Ambulance Service.
After two years of being a Paramedic on the front line responding to the 999 calls I retired with osteoarthritis of my hips. I stopped being active and my world closed in, I thought my only option to take away my pain and give me more mobility was a hip replacement and then the universe gave me a gift, Hana Jones! A woman who sees possibilities and hope, through her expertise in working with humans and her body knowledge I never had my hip replaced, she held me in my pain and opened my mind to my limiting beliefs.
At this time I also began regular massage treatments and I fell in love with the power of touch and how my nervous system was co-regulated by another person. I then started my own massage therapy business in London, 15 years working in this field and having massaged over 300 people I developed my own method combining massage with technology and mindset.
I began doing my own inner work four years ago to give birth to a new version of me, Ruth Veda. My work started with self development programmes like the Landmark Forum, an addiction recovery programme, Codependent Anonymous, plant medicine journeys, and courageously speaking my truth.
I then fell in love and am in a relationship where we can both be vulnerable, authentic, accepting and also have plenty of fun. Through this partnership I have come to realise that there is no such thing as a ‘perfect relationship’ but a cycle of connection, disconnection and repair.
The came Dr Gabor Mate and Compassionate Inquiry which continues to be the icing on my cake (for now), I am part of an amazing tribe of human beings from all around the world who have a vision to bring compassion, respect, acceptance, insight, healing, freedom and connection to humanity.
I currently live in lush Surrey Hills with my partner and his 13 year old son. together we are co-creating a simple conscious life.
I am light hearted and I don’t take myself too seriously, (I like to laugh), I play and give where I can.
If anything I speak of resonates, do reach out, even though I call myself an introvert I am curious about others and enjoy making authentic connections.